99: That's All I Wanted

October 16

[2:54 PM]VINCE: Luv u kid. Remember I’ll always support you.  Always on your side.

Charlie frowned at her phone screen.  It was the third message of that kind she’d received today.  The first had come from Luke while she was packing this morning and it said something about being proud of her, no matter what.  The second came from Dom about two hours ago, while she was in the therapist’s office for one final dose of courage and he said she could do anything.  Now this one an hour after take-off for Stanford. 

What was going on with her brothers?

[2:55 PM]CHARLIE: Love you too.  Thanks.

Not knowing how to respond, it was the same message she’d typed in response to the other two.  The phone dropped into her lap as she continued to frown out at the smattering of clouds below.

“What’s wrong?”

Her head whipped around to the man who sat next to her. 

Even though his hug had been tight and his lips tender, Jon had been abnormally quiet ever since he picked her up at the therapist.  She’d also been wrapped up in her own thoughts, though, and hadn’t really asked him why.  All that silence between them made his voice startling. 

“Nothing.  My brothers are being weird today.”

“Weird how?”

Tucking a jeans-clean leg beneath her, Charlie pushed up the sleeves of her lightweight sweater and shrugged.  “Supportive.  Loving.”

He laughed.  “That’s pretty normal family behavior, Counselor.”

She twisted in the seat to lean her right temple against the headrest, folding hands in her lap and looking at him.  It was nice just taking in the scenery of his face, because it felt like ages since they’d been together.  She’d been working, he’d been working, and then he had that thing with all their brothers last night…

“Hey.”  A light was dawning for her.  “You were with them last night.  What happened?”

Leaning forward to lay his phone on the table, he crossed his legs and appeared completely uninterested when saying, “We drank, talked and played video games at a bar.”

Jon was almost too uninterested, and it made Charlie suspicious.  “What did you talk about?”

“Nothing.  Just random bullshit.”  His lazy gaze found hers and connected, presumably to signify that he had nothing to hide. 

“Okay.”  So maybe he didn’t have any insight as to why her brothers were Hallmark heroes today.  Now that she’d actually emerged from her quiet haze of positive thinking mantras and the inevitable what-ifs that refused to be quelled, she was just as curious about Jon’s behavior as her brothers’.  “Then why have you been so quiet today?”

“I’ve got shit on my mind, just like you do.”

The way he chose to phrase it was a stark reminder that she wasn’t the only one who had a stake in the upcoming events in California.  If things went as horribly as she’d been dreading all these years, Jon would be the one left to cope with Charlie in the aftermath.

She’d half-heartedly tried to convince him that she could do this alone and that he didn’t need to come, but it was like talking to the wall.  He wasn’t budging and said he'd be with her even if they hadn't already planned to go to Disney World after this.  His stance was that she'd need someone when it was over, if for nothing more than to hold her up when she collapsed with relief.  Jon was going with her and “don’t fucking bring it up again”.

So she hadn’t and was secretly grateful for his insistence. 

Right now, though, it wasn’t about her.

Charlie stood just long enough to transfer her backside from plane seat to Jon’s lap and, when heavy arms settled pleasantly around her waist, she kissed his jaw and asked, “Wanna talk about it?”

“About what?”

Blue eyes were still distant as he rubbed an open palm over her thigh, and she skittered light fingers through the sides of his hair before leaning against his shoulder.  “What you’re thinking about?  What I’m thinking about?  I don’t know.  Anything, I guess.  We haven’t connected much this week.”

His body relaxed under hers and Jon went from rubbing her thigh to fingering the ends of hair that were now hanging over her shoulder.  “I wish you’d let me go with you when you talk to Noah and Caleb.”

That was another item of discussion that he'd been pushing but hadn’t obstinately dug his heels in over.  Charlie currently held the final say-so, unless this was some kind of coup to overthrow her.

“I know you do, and part of me wants a hand to hold while I do it.  The bigger part of me, though, wants to spend one last day with them under the same circumstances they’ve always known.  I need that, and your presence will change the dynamic.”

“I get it.”  The hem of her sweater was pushed up in the back so that he could stroke mindless fingertips over the skin there.  “When do you think you’ll tell them about us?”

That was a very good question, but one that Charlie didn’t have answer for yet.  She was growing weary of the secrecy enshrouding this relationship and wanted to shed it as soon as possible. 

“Depends on how things go.  I’m getting tired of looking over my shoulder every time you and I go out of the house together.  In fact…”  She was reluctant to say this, but it was one of the things weighing heavily on her mind.  “Will you blow a gasket if I tell you I’d like to postpone the trip to Disney?”

When his hand stilled at the small of her back, she knew why she’d been reluctant.  With her face in his neck, Charlie couldn’t see Jon’s expression, but the abrupt cessation of movement wasn’t a good sign. 

“Why?”

Pressing a palm against his soft black t-shirt, she levered up to meet eyes filled with a guarded curiosity.  “I’ve looked forward to going there for a long time, and I’ve always imagined it to be fun and carefree.  Looking for cameras every time I want to hold your hand and worrying whether everything’s going to blow up a few days too soon…  That just isn’t my dream come true.”

“Okayyy…”

With a sigh, she broke down and proved to him that she wasn’t as hard-ass as he’d always thought.  “Staying in Cinderella’s castle is kind of a fairytale all on its own, but…  Well, I want the whole enchilada.  This Cinderella wants to make love with her Prince Charming in the castle and not have a cloud of adultery hanging over her head.”

His mouth’s curve spoke of either mockery or indulgence.  Charlie wasn’t sure until wide, searching hands pushed into her hair and he gently murmured, “Okay, baby.”

There was a peculiar skip in the rhythm of her heart, and she smiled down into the handsome face that she loved.  “Maybe you do call the entire female population ‘baby’, but it still does something to me.”

“Turns out that it means more sometimes than others,” he admitted with a lazy wink.  “I still want to take you somewhere for a couple of days when we leave Stanford.  You deserve some down-time, so where do you want to go?”

Charlie realized that his offer effectively made the world her oyster.  That curl of his lips was definitely indulgent, and she had a feeling he’d have them guide this plane in any direction she pointed.  It gave her great power, but with great power came great responsibility, so she wanted to be certain of her choice.

After a moment’s contemplation, she came up with two options that would make her truly happy.  One was his house in New Jersey.  The other was…

“East Hampton.  Will you take me to Lily Pond Lane?”

The whiteness of his teeth was dazzling in the afternoon sunlight that bled through the aircraft’s windows.  “Behind the guest house?”

She hadn’t actually thought of that, but the rush of adrenaline at the mere mention told Charlie that she wouldn’t rule it out.  Her original reasoning was more along the lines of going back to where it all started and fulfilling the wish she’d had at the time – to share his bed there, and maybe even revisit the Airstream.

“Sure, but the pool is out of the question this time.”

“Agreed,” he chuckled, angling her face close.  Assuming that the lusty kiss would lead directly to another mile-high badge, she found herself stunned and a little bereft when he ended it to swipe a thumb beneath her lip.  “Will you think about something?  Without ripping me a new ass for suggesting it?”

Well, that explained that.  At least now maybe she’d finally know what had him so self-contained today. 

“Since you’re asking and not decreeing, yes.”

Easy thumbs skimmed up her cheekbones, but he didn’t smile at her flippancy.  He was utterly somber. 

“I don’t think that copy of the bar exam will amount to anything, but why don’t you still consider a career change?  You have extraordinary artistic talent, and by watching you sketch that picture for Tony, it’s easy to see it satisfies something inside you.  I have a huge circle of friends that would pay a lot of money for what you do.  Enough to get you started, and the recommendations that follow would keep you going.”

The thought of quitting her job sent Charlie’s heart racing into overdrive.  While she may have worked for different firms, being a lawyer and a mother had been the only consistent things in her life for the past twenty years.  With both boys out of the nest in college – and with whatever lay on the horizon with their relationship – she didn’t know about letting go of her anchor. 

That’s how she viewed her job.  Propose a settlement, negotiate the terms and get the judge to sign off.  There was predictability there that stabilized her, even when the crazy parrot cases came along. 

“Chiara.”  His voice prompted her to blink until his handsome features came back into focus.  “I know your dad once said you can’t make a living with art, but you can.  I know you can.  And if it’s your family’s reaction you’re worried about, your brothers already told me you’d have their full support.”

At least there was one lightbulb moment shining in the thick fog of her thoughts.  “That’s what those text messages are about.”

“Yeah.  Maybe.  I mentioned it to them last night.”

Great.  That was just what she needed – Jon and her brothers joining forces to map out her life.  She obviously wasn’t doing it well enough to suit anyone, but that was too damn bad.  They didn’t have to approve of her choices, they only had to live with them.

It took a great deal of restraint for Charlie to remain in his lap when she wanted nothing more than to put half the distance of the plane between them.  It took almost as much restraint to keep from yelling at  him.

“Look.  I’m pretty sure this is coming from a sincere place, so I’m making every effort to not go all Italian on you, but goddammit!  Stop trying to change everything about my life.  And don’t recruit my brothers to help you do it, either.”

“That’s not what-“

Holding up a silencing hand to interrupt him, Charlie disagreed.  “That’s exactly what you’re doing.  That’s exactly what you’ve been doing all along – zeroing in on what you think is wrong with my life and badgering me to fix it.  Granted, some of those things need fixing and have for a long time, but…  Jesus, Jon.  Give me a chance to acclimate.”    

“I just asked you to think about it,” he reminded tersely, clearly trying to hold his own Italian in check.  “I don’t give a fuck what you do for a living, as long as it makes you happy, and I’m not sure being a lawyer does that.  Don’t confuse familiarity with happiness is all I’m saying.”

“You’re one to talk about familiarity.  What changes has this relationship brought you?  Huh?  You still work the same as always, see your kids the same as always, come over to fuck when you get the itch.”

Charlie couldn’t sit in his lap any longer or she was going to start jabbing him in the chest with her finger.  When she made a move to rise, though, he locked his arms tight around her waist, allowing her to do nothing more than bounce up and then right back again.

“Sit still,” he gritted out.  “And stop making me the bad guy every time you get scared.  Do you even remember why we met in the first fucking place?  Because I got a goddamn divorce – in which you turned my life ass over teakettle.  Then there was that whole fiasco where my work life got turned upside down when my guitarist quit in the middle of a tour, but you weren’t around for that.  Just trust me that I’ve been through plenty of changes in the last two years, and I finally found a place where I’m happy again.  I might be fucking nuts, but that happens to be with you, you bitch lawyer, so excuse the hell out of me if I’d like to see you happy, too.”

Well, hell.

All the fight seeped out of Charlie.  Sometimes she truly was a bitch.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized quietly, bringing her forehead to rest against his.  “I guess this wasn’t the best time for you to bring it up.  I’m already on edge, and it just seems like you’re constantly pushing me to be different.”

“Not different.  Better.”  With her apology, he’d also gone less rigid and now dusted his lips across hers.  “I had knee surgery a few years ago.  The recovery wasn’t horrible, but I still cussed that physical therapist every day of my rehab because it fucking hurt.  Eventually, it stopped hurting – and I was whole again.  I only want you to be whole, Counselor.  Really, honest to God whole.”

And there was the alter-ego of her crude motherfucker boyfriend, also known as Sweet Jon.  Charlie really didn’t deserve him.  The crude guy, yeah.  She totally deserved him.  Sweet Jon, though…  He made her feel and think things that she didn’t quite know how to process.  She just knew she didn’t want to let him go before figuring it out.

“I’d like to be whole, too, so I’ll think about it.  Okay?”

Tender, supple lips tickled hers when he murmured, “That’s all I wanted.”