*102:Compromise

Charlie’s nose was running and probably as red as the gritty, swollen eyes that still wouldn’t quite stop leaking.  Her leg muscles were stiff from lack of warm-up or warm-down.  Her entire body was as limp as an overcooked linguini noodle.

The only positive thing she could find in this moment was the soothing splash of bath water as Jon skated his big toe up and down her calf and support of his strong arms wrapped around her.  From the moment he caught sight of her in the hall, he’d been nothing but the Superman he sang to her about at Vivi’s birthday party – saving her when the stars fell from her sky.

His quiet “I’ve got you” and “just lean on me” had ripped out a fresh wave of ugly crying when she would’ve sworn there wasn’t another tear left in her body.  He was there for her like no one else had ever been – and now she had to tell him this mess still wasn’t over.

“I…  I told the boys about the divorce first, and they were fine with it.  Like really fine.  Caleb said the only surprise was that it hadn’t happened sooner.”

The boys exchanged a silent glance before Caleb spoke.  “Only surprise there is that it took so long.  It’s not like you and dad have ever been close, at least that I can remember.”

“Me either.”  The hand that squeezed hers wasn’t that of a boy, but a man and Noah assured, “It’s fine, Mom.  We’re past the age of being permanently scarred by divorce.”

Charlie breathed an internal sigh of relief.  Phase one of three was accomplished, and they seemed fine with it.  Then again, that was quite possibly the least of what she had to tell them.  It definitely wasn’t the worst. 

“Well…  There’s a story behind why it took so long.  I, uh.  I did some things I’m not particularly proud of and didn’t want you to ever find out about them.  Your dad knows that and threatened to tell you everything if I tried to leave him, so I’ve decided to tell you myself.”

Once again her boys exchanged a silent look. 

“Okay.” 

She took Noah’s agreement to represent both sons, and Charlie proceeded to tell the same tale she told Jon about the Bar Exam and… the half-successful abortion. 

“Okay, so that’s good, right?” the hard, wet man beneath her asked now.  “And they know Owen isn’t aware right?  So they won’t go calling him about it?”

“They’re aware Owen doesn’t know.  They won’t say anything.”

“No bad news there or nothing to be mad about, so…?”

Even her state of utter mental, emotional and physical fatigue, Charlie could still feel her temper spike every time she thought about what came next. 

When she finished her story, there was nothing but the sounds of the forest.  Birds chattered in the trees, and a breeze blew through the majestic redwoods, but her sons – they sat there looking uncomfortably at one another.

“So…  Do you hate me or what?” she finally asked when neither of them were forthcoming with a reaction. 

Her eldest took the lead again, turning her hand over in his.  “Mom.  You don’t have to be some Super Woman.  It’s okay to need help.”

“I'm sorry...  I... What is that supposed to mean?”

Caleb withdrew his hand and slid a supportive arm around her shoulders.  “This isn’t like the old days, when they locked people in padded rooms.  Mental illness is treatable in mainstream society, without the stigma it once had.  You should totally take advantage of that.”

Her chin swung back and forth like a pendulum as she looked from one son to the other and back again.  “What in the hell are you talking about?”

The question prompted another of those silent looks to be exchanged between the boys before Noah lifted his eyebrows questioningly.  With a mute nod, his younger brother gave him permission to speak on his behalf.

“Dad told us a long time ago that you had a nervous breakdown when we were little.  That you experienced some kind of psychotic thing where you think things happened that really didn’t.  Since you never mentioned it and never acted strange around us, we thought you got better.”

“Then,” Caleb picked up the thread.  “He called last month to tell us you’re seeing a psychiatrist and that the delusions might surface again.  He wanted us to be prepared for something like this, which I guess is good, since it happened.  But don’t worry.  We still love you.”

“Yeah, Mom.  If there’s anything we can do to help...  We just want you to be well.”

Her nostrils flared with the harsh exhalation of breath.  “I told them about the Bar Exam and their… lost sibling, but they didn’t have much reaction other than to look at each other and communicate with their eyes.  When prompted…”

Schooling herself to take deep breaths in and out, Charlie swallowed the tears that were evidently bottomless today. 

“Take your time,” her Superman encouraged with a gentle constriction of his embrace.  Normally so impatient, Jon was showing the utmost tolerance today, even while his muscles were coiled with tension beneath her and waiting to spring.

“Several years ago, Owen told them I had a nervous breakdown when they were younger – a psychotic episode in which I evidently hallucinated things like Bar Exams and abortions.”

The warm, solid man beneath her hardened into a slab of solid marble and venomously spat, “That sleazy sonofabitch!”

“Mhm.” The wearily-offered agreement was merely meant to placate him long enough for her to push through with the rest.  “He was also kind enough to call within the last month and let them know I was seeing a psychiatrist because it meant these hallucinations may manifest themselves again.  It was important to him that they be prepared, just in case.”

“The fucker knew you were working up to a divorce and is trying to keep his ass covered.”

“He also took something I've been building toward for years and made it... meaningless.”

“Surely, you told your kids that you didn’t have a nervous breakdown or hallucinations?”

She had, but…

“I have never had a hallucination in my life,” Charlie declared to both sons, with the full expectation that they would believe her.  “You’ve spent your entire lives with me.  Do you really think I’m going to make something like this up?”

Noah lifted a reluctant shoulder.  “You probably don’t think you are.”

They really didn’t believe her.  Owen had successfully convinced her sons that she was batshit crazy and that what she said couldn’t be trusted.  Charlie was… livid.

Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself that Owen was their father and that verbally disemboweling him to their sons wasn’t going to make her appear any saner.  No matter what else the manipulative piece of shit did, he had always been a good father from her sons’ perspective.  If she tried to ruin that for them, they’d only hold it against her, and that left Charlie grudgingly taking the high road.

“My main objective was to ensure that you both knew about something potentially painful that may come to light during this divorce.  I’ve done that, and I will go a step further and tell you how much I regret those actions.  Someday, when you find out that this is fact instead of fiction, we can talk about it again if you want.”

For the first time, there was an undercurrent of uncertainty in the look the boys exchanged.  Maybe her calm and confident lawyer voice had been able to deliver the first pinprick of doubt to deflate Owen’s story.  Perhaps it would continue to seep air and her sons would recognize what Charlie said for the truth it was.  She could hope, anyway.

“In the meantime, there’s one more thing that I wanted to tell you.  Jesse’s dad and I are dating and have been for a while.  It’s pretty serious.”

“Mr. Bongiovi?” Her youngest son’s forehead crumpled in a display of either anger or perplexity, Charlie couldn’t decipher which.  “You’ve been having an affair with Mr. Bongiovi?”

“Jesus, Mom.  That’s beneath you.”

She woudn’t completely eviscerate Owen to the boys, but Charlie sure as hell wasn’t going to be the bad guy for finding happiness.

“Don’t try and shame me,” she ordered them both while trying to keep her anger channeled in the appropriate direction.  They weren’t at fault, Owen was.  “Your dad has kept me hostage in this marriage for fifteen years by holding those ‘hallucinations’ over my head.  He knew I’d rather be his sole financial support and stay in a loveless marriage than hurt either of you.  That means you’re not allowed to give me crap over this.  I wasn’t looking for love, but I won’t apologize for finding it.”

“Counselor?”

“I told them,” she confirmed jadedly, tangling their fingers together in the bubbles at her waist.  God, she was tired.  “But does anybody really listen to a crazy person saying they aren’t crazy?  The best I could do was adopt my lawyer persona and reiterate the facts, my regret over them and advise them we could talk again when they realized it was all true.”

“That’s good.”  His approval came with another supportive clenching of arms.  “I hope you also mentioned that their father was a useless piece of garbage who’s manipulating them for his own shitty purposes.”

The water was growing steadily cooler, and Charlie’s butt was starting to go numb from sitting in the same position.  Bubbles flew into the air as she shifted in his embrace, and she absently thought that bubbles should usher in something fun.  This wasn’t much fun for either of them.

“It’s not fair to assassinate their father’s character when he’s always been good to them, so no, not really,” she murmured, torn between wanting them to see Owen for what he was and a desire for them to keep the father they knew and loved - to keep their childhood as pristine as every childhood should be – even if their mother got taken away in the process.  Life was too freaking complicated.  “But when they found out you and I were dating and started in on how having an affair was beneath me, I didn’t hesitate to explain that Owen held those hallucinations over my head all these years and their well-being is the only reason I allowed it.”

“So their father is a jackoff, but it’s me they aren’t happy about.  That makes sense.”

Bending her legs and using the momentum of the water to twist on her bottom, Charlie really looked at him for the first time since coming back to the hotel.  As she feared, his handsome features were dark with displeasure, and the lines around his mouth rivaled the ones in his forehead for depth.  She was aging him.  This whole thing was aging him right before her eyes.

“Baby.”  Leaning forward, she pushed sudsy palms from low on his abdomen to his chest, worshipping the hard heat of his body as well as the man himself.  “It’s my actions they don’t approve of, not you, and that’s because they don’t understand.  I did it to myself by keeping them shielded all these years.”

“Which they should appreciate,” he insisted, enclosing her wrists and tugged until she glided forward to lie on his chest.  “I think we should take them out for dinner tonight and have a little friendly discussion about the whole thing.”

“Jon…”  Charlie was tired of the whole thing.  Enough was enough for one day.  “What’s the point?  I mean, really?”

“The point is…”  He tugged again until she’d slithered far enough up his chest for Jon to place a kiss on her upturned mouth.  “We all have to eat and our relationship isn’t ‘beneath’ anybody.  They may as well get used to it sooner rather than later.”

“Do you realize how exhausted I am?” she groaned, finding herself on the verge of tears again.  “How much I just want to do something fun?  That will make me smile?”

Her wrists were released so that wide, capable hands could slither down and knead suds into the roundness of her backside.  “Tell me what will make you smile and it’s yours.”

With the way his fingers were skating along the crease between her butt and thigh, Charlie knew very well that he was guilty of leading the witness.  Since the witness wanted to go in that direction, however, she didn't object.

“Sex.”

“Sex?” he echoed thoughtfully, still kneading the fleshy globes that were her ass.  “I can probably do that, but what exactly did you have in mind?  Like ‘fuck my brains out’ sex or ‘make love to me’ sex?  Because those are very different things.”

Charlie’s nostrils flared with a sharply inhaled breath.  As raw as her emotions were, if he made love to her, she’d start blubbering again.  Then again, she didn’t want a solely physical encounter either.

“Somewhere in between.”

“Alright.”  His easy agreement came just before a sensual tongue licked along her bottom lip.  “And when you’re smiling after that orgasm, you’ll call the boys and set up dinner.  Right?”

The middle finger tunneling its way into her channel had her sucking another breath.  “You’re manipulating me,” she accused breathily, while parting her thighs to give him greater access.  The invitation was immediately accepted, and another finger joined the first with both moving to massage her g-spot.

“No.  I’m giving you something that you want in exchange for something I want.  It’s called compromise, and it’s the basis of any solid relationship.”

After the day she’d had so far, it felt good to let her mind go so that her body – and his – could take over.  Unthinking hedonism that ended in an explosive orgasm sounded like Nirvana to her.

“Two orgasms, and I’m in.”

The breath in her ear was as hot and steamy as the intimate space he was invading.  “Two orgasms means we’re coming back here afterward and finalizing a plan to deal with your fucking husband once and for all.”

His fingers hooked sharply, and Charlie ground her pubic bone into his groin with a lusty, hissing sigh.  Her thumbs scraped mindlessly over the dark disks of his nipples, which were puckered enough for her to pinch, and his sharp hiss was sexy enough that she didn’t care what they did after this.  It felt like old times with the two of them battling for power over the other, and she liked the unexpected nostalgia of it.

“Tell me you want me,” she demanded, with her insides curling as readily as the corners of his mouth.  Charlie wasn’t the only one who remembered what it used to be like. 

“I want you, Chiara.  Since the first fucking time I laid eyes on you.”

No.  No more tears. She blinked rapidly, refusing their escape down her cheeks. 

This wasn’t making love.  They were having sex.  She was supposed to be feeling his fingers work their dark magic in the equally dark space of her womb. 

She was not supposed to be thinking.

“Then make me come,” came her churlish decree while rolling into his touch.  Driving him deeper.  Craving more than his fingertips.  “And come with me.  Scorch everything away until there’s just us.”

“Oh, beautiful girl, don’t you know?”  Jon’s fingers retreated to make room for something more substantial, and he held Charlie’s hips to grunt softly as he filled her.  “It’s already just us.”

The soft grunt was from her this time, but she didn’t look away from the steaming pools of blue that held her hostage in a way she yearned to be captive.  He could recite the phone book with that look in his eyes and she’d sit right here until he got to the final entry.

“You and me, Counselor.”

The water rolled in waves along with them, sloshing lightly over the side of the tub. 

“Night or day.”

His strokes were short and deep, with just enough friction to start the nerves tingling between her legs. 

“Together or apart.”

The splash of water around her was wildly erotic.  The sound.  The feel. 

“There’s nobody else,” he whispered into her mouth before taking it under the same siege as the rest of body.  

His kiss was fierce.  Her sigh was ragged.  His touch was aggressive.  Her shiver was forceful.  He possession was powerful.  Her submission was complete.

They were yin and yang swirling through the suds, alone and isolated from everything and everyone until they stood on the highest plateau.  Together they plunged, hand in hand, until they hit rock bottom.  Their pieces shattered, one indistinguishable from the next as they patched them back together.  It was a shard of her, a sliver of him until they were one another as much as themselves.