71:Born Again Tomorrow

Charlie wasn’t an insecure person.  She was firmly convinced that if she didn’t believe in herself, no one else would.  That’s why sitting here and waiting on pins and needles for Jon’s reaction felt very foreign to her.  His opinion mattered, and it mattered more than she ever expected it to. 

“Jon?” she prompted again, and her heart took a twelve story plunge into her stomach when he withdrew his hand to drop it into his lap. 

“What I understand is that, if you would tell your brothers, they’d kill the son of a bitch,” was his grim response.  “And if they don’t, mine will.”

Her brothers.  His brothers. 

Not him. 

Disappointment tried to eat at her, but she adamantly pushed it away.  His disapproval had always been a possibility.  It was a known risk going into this.

“That’s not a rational solution,” she countered neutrally, eyeing the coffee that had likely gone cold.  “The only real solution is to take the power out of his hands, and I’ll be in a position to do that in about four years.  In the meantime, now you know why I have to maintain the status quo.”

Pushing to her feet, she leaned over to snag her coffee and find out that it was, indeed, cold.  Temperature didn’t stop her from sipping it as she stood before him, closely studying his features and finding it obvious that he wasn’t happy.  She just wasn’t sure about the source of his unhappiness. 

Thinking that she’d never before been afraid of what he might say to her, Charlie figured that today wasn’t the day to start.  Letting unfounded assumptions hang in the air like a bad smell was worse than knowing his feelings, no matter what they may be.

“It’s completely reasonable that you wouldn’t want to skulk around in dark alleys with me for years while I’m waiting to get rid of my baggage.  If that’s the case, it’s better to end things now rather than later.  Before anybody gets too far involved.”

Jon’s unhappiness further manifested itself in the peevish set of his mouth, and he directed cold eyes up at her. 

“I think that’s a little premature.”

“Is it?” she inquired pointedly over the rim of her mug, unintimidated by the chill he exuded.  “You completely separated yourself from me the minute you heard the whole story and started predicting everyone else’s reaction to it.  Funny how you never offered your own reaction.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.”  Shaking his head with a lusty sigh, he stood so that they were on the same level and took her coffee away.  With it safely put aside, he crudely tugged Charlie into his arms and the tighter he held, the less she ached.  “Next time, don’t ask me if I understand, because nobody that didn’t walk in your shoes can understand what you’ve been through.  Ask me if it makes a fucking difference.”

“Alright.  Does it make a fucking difference?”

“No, Counselor.  It doesn’t.”  The hand that slipped up her back and under her hair was the physical reassurance she needed, and the touch of lips at her temple had her breathing easy again.  “Not in the way I feel about you, anyway.  The rest of it…  We’ll weigh all the options later, after coffee delivery.  What time are we supposed to be at Grand Central?”

“Soon,” she murmured, wondering if she’d ever comprehend how his mind worked.  He certainly didn’t approach things the same way she did.

There was another touch of his lips before he eased away with the observation, “We better get dressed, then.”

It was the first time that she wasn’t particularly looking forward to seeing Millie, but he was right.  If they didn’t get going, then they would miss her. 

Heavy hands on her shoulders spun Charlie toward the bedroom, and the comforting weight remained as he walked along behind her.  “Oh, and by the way…  Ending things now or later wouldn’t matter.  I’m already too far involved.”

Shocked feet tried skidding to a halt, but he continued to propel her forward and she resorted to casting surprised eyes over her shoulder. 

“Don’t act so fucking surprised.  I told you last night we weren’t saying goodbye.  Crude motherfuckers don’t make that kind of shit up.”

Laughter and lightness bubbled deep inside her before spilling out to chase away the cobwebs and shadows that had become a part of who she was.  For the first time in a very, very long time, it seemed that Charlie might have a reason to look forward to the future instead of dreading it.

J J J J J

Emerging from the taxi that Jon decided would be less conspicuous than a chauffeured car, Charlie swiveled her head first one direction and then the other to take a quick look around for her favorite Monday appointment.  The city was alive and bustling on this Monday morning, and a cloud of traffic noise hung in the air as Jon exited the vehicle behind her. 

In a simple gray t-shirt with jeans, sneakers, a ball cap and sunglasses, Jon was dressed to encourage anonymity, but he’d warned her that wandering the streets of New York was a crap shoot for him.  Some days he was able to carouse the city and go completely unnoticed, while other days there were photographers that dogged his every step.  He never knew which it was going to be and, in consideration of her situation, had offered to stay home while she visited Millie.

Charlie declined. 

Jon had listened to the ugliest part of her life without it changing the way he felt, and that had created a permanent bond for Charlie.  Regardless of where the road eventually took them, he would always be someone special whom she would move oceans for, if asked.  This morning she wanted to be near him, even if it didn’t involve kissing and holding hands. 

Owen had taken enough away from her.  He wasn’t taking this.

“So…?”  Hands crammed into his pockets in typical Jon fashion, he looked over the crowd flowing around them.  “How do you find her?”

Charlie gestured toward the station’s main entrance with a bob of her head.  “Downstairs for coffee and bagels first.  When we come up, she shouldn’t be too hard to find.  Silver hair and a red beret.”

“Like that?” Tipping his chin to the left, he drew her attention to a woman fitting that description who wore a wool coat and was accompanied by a cart of unknown treasures.

“That’s her,” she acknowledged with a grin.  Seeing that bright spot of red in the crowd never failed to make her smile.  “Go talk to her and let her know I’m here, would you?  I won’t be long.”

“Wait,” he called as she started to break away.  “What’s her name again?”

“Millie.”

“Got it.”

Going downstairs against the flow of commuters that were all surging up the stairs created more of a challenge than Charlie anticipated.  The legion of men and women intent upon getting to their high-power jobs simply weren’t interested in making way for an unadorned woman in jeans and a t-shirt who obviously didn’t look as if she needed to be anywhere important. 

It took her best New Yorker determination, attitude and maneuvering to reach Starbucks.  Once she had Millie’s coffee and bagels, that same crowd of militant commuters carried her easily back up to street level along with them, where she found Jon and Millie chatting away like old friends. 

“Charlie girl,” Millie greeted cheerily when she caught sight of her.  “This handsome young devil has been flirting with me.  Can you imagine?”

Passing a cup into her elderly friend’s hand, she perched the bagels in their rightful spot on the cart and asserted, “Of course I can.  It’s not every woman who can make a beret look that good.  I’m glad he was able to recognize that.”

“Oh, you.  You’d say anything to brighten my day.”  She touched the edge of the cup to her lips before taking it down again.  “You know, he also said you two met in the Hamptons.  I knew the Hamptons agreed with you, and it’s easy to see why now.”

Charlie clucked her tongue in admonishment while throwing a chastising look to Jon. “Now, don’t you go starting rumors.  I owe Jon a great debt and, until I figure out how to pay him back, he’s keeping tabs on me.  That’s all.”

“Pish posh,” the woman who still wore the seashell pin in her beret scoffed.  “He’s keeping tabs on you, alright, but I’d wager to say it has nothing to do with an outstanding debt.”

Jon had gone silent with Charlie’s arrival, but now one eyebrow hiked up over the rim of his sunglasses.  “What debt?”

That whole explanation had actually materialized without any forethought.  It was simply an indicator of her past and present thoughts about the Lily Pond Lane house.  As unrealistic as it may be, Charlie still had it in the back of her mind that she owed him… something for her hand in the huge check he’d been forced to write.

“I owe you half a house,” she offered lightly, making a joke of it.  “And I have every intention of paying you back as soon as I come up with four million dollars.”

“Counselor…”

“That sounds like a fascinating story.”  Millie’s enthusiasm overrode Jon’s mild warning.  “Do tell how you came to owe this young man only half a house.”

Crossing her arms, she it was Jon that she focused on when saying, “Oh, he ended up overpaying for his house by half because of me and doesn’t believe it when I say I’m sorry.  You know what they say, though.  Money talks and I’m pretty sure he can hear it whisper.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” he told her quietly.

“Not really, but since I don’t have four million just lying around, I guess it doesn’t matter.”  Turning her smile from Jon to Millie she found the old woman watching them with interest.  “Is there anything you need this week?  Something I can bring you?”

As usual, the frail hand waved away Charlie’s good intentions.  “Thank you, dear girl, but I have everything I need.  I’m very pleased to note that I’m obviously not the only one.”

Charlie couldn’t see Jon’s eyes behind the sunglasses, but she could feel him watching her as she answered, “Sometimes you just stumble into discovering what it is you really need.”

Nodding, Jon’s attention remained fixed upon her as he added, “Sometimes you stumble and sometimes you get pushed.  I’ve had my fair share of both lately.”

Millie had both hands curled around her coffee cup and was once again looking back and forth between Charlie and Jon, this time with a smile of serenity.  “I’ve given a push or two in my day, but quite honestly, what I’ve discovered is that it doesn’t matter whether you stumble or are pushed.  When you get back up with that knowledge…  Well, let’s just say that if I was born again tomorrow, I wouldn’t live my life like I did yesterday.”

With his face splitting into a grin, Jon stepped in beside Millie to drape her shoulders with a light arm and, in the process, melted Charlie’s heart.  “That’s good stuff.  You mind if I use it sometime?”

“Not at all,” she granted with a raspy chuckle.  “And I would’ve given my permission even without the coercing smile.  Although it is quite lovely.”

Charlie threw her head back with a laugh and pointed a finger at Jon.  He had just gotten busted trying to charm a senior citizen out of her figurative panties.  “You’re not as smooth as you think you are.”

Dipping his head sheepishly, that smile dimmed into a lopsided grin.  “Never claimed to be smooth.  I claimed to get the job done – and I always do.  Always.”