86:Waiting

October 2

Red Bank

It was finished. 

Charlie had tweaked, fine-tuned and touched up Jon’s mural to the best of her artistic ability.  Anything more was just going to clutter it and thereby ruin what she’d already done, so it was time to step away and let the piece stand on its own.  The only thing left to do was wait and hope that Jon would be pleased with the final result.

The hardest part of that wait was finding something to occupy her for the rest of the evening.    It was only a little after five and Jon wouldn’t be here until late – sometime between ten and midnight was his best guess as of this morning, although he’d promised to give her a better estimate when he had one.

After a thirteen-hour flight he was going to be exhausted, but it didn't matter to Charlie if he did nothing  besides crawl in bed with her and snore.  The smell of him on the sheets had faded long ago, and she longed to burrow into the crook of his neck so that she could inhale him.  She wanted to feel the heat of his skin and of his breath – and if his skin and breath touched something intimate, that would be great, too.  Either way, she was prepared with a champagne silk nightie that had been purchased earlier in the week. 

As small and insignificant as buying a nightgown was, Charlie had felt a little risqué in doing it.  She tried to tell herself it was because their relationship had always been so filled with chemistry that outward appearances didn’t matter.  Whatever clothing they wore was soon on the floor, anyway.

The reality was that almost twenty years had elapsed since the last time she’d intentionally tried to look sexy for a man.  Even then, it wasn’t for a man she was in love with, because Charlie had never been in love before now. 

Prior to Owen, she’d dated casually without ever having a steady boyfriend.  School, her art and the occasional hook-up were satisfying and left her free to do whatever she wanted.

When Owen came on the scene, he was likable enough, but Charlie was only interested in using him to fill a void.   She hadn’t gotten past the stage of stunted affection before discovering that Noah was on the way.  Pregnant and Catholic added up to an obligation that didn’t require love as part the equation, so affection was as far as she’d ever made it before or after walking down the aisle.  

Nobody would ever believe that a woman who was nine days shy of her forty-fifth birthday was experiencing her first love.  She scarcely believed it herself, and while Jon’s return was something Charlie was looking forward to with great anticipation, it also scared the hell out of her. 

They hadn’t been together since she’d come to terms with her feelings, and she didn’t know what would happen when perceptive blue eyes touched on her.  Would he know?  Would things be different?  Was she going to blurt it out without thinking?  How long could she keep it to herself?  More important than all that, what would his reaction be?

It was all an untold mystery at this point, which was why the nightgown was doubling as an insurance policy.  Charlie had it in her head that everything else would fall effortlessly into place after that first orgasm.  That's the way their relationship had been from the beginning.  Right?  It shouldn't change just because her feelings were a little deeper.

“I’m going to drive myself crazy before he gets home.  I’ve got to get out of here for a while.” 

At the sound of Charlie’s voice, Nana’s head popped up from her doggie bed beneath the glass window between the studio and the control room.  It had become “her” spot during the hours spent here.

“What?  You want to get out of here for a while, too?  Huh?” she asked her sweet dog, bending to scratch behind her furry ears.  “Where shall we go?”

Nana yipped at the same time Charlie’s phone chimed from her pocket.  Not having any idea of what that dog-speak translated to, she checked her phone to see what it said.

[5:12 PM]LILAH: I bet you’re even more excited than I am.  The last few hours are always the hardest.

Charlie just figured out what to do with her evening.  “Wanna go visit Lucas and M.J., Nana?  I bet they’d love to see you.”

J J J J J

“You are a complete and total lifesaver,” Lilah sighed happily as the scent of Mongolian beef, chicken chow mein and rice rose from the Chinese takeout cartons.  “If I had to eat one more grilled cheese or chicken nugget I was going to lose my damn mind.”

Laughing, Charlie dished out some chow mein and added steamed rice.  Lilah had been just as happy at the idea of dinner together as she was, so Charlie had loaded up Nana, stopped by the Chinese place and arrived at Lilah’s house by six to find Lucas and M.J. destroying their playroom.  Once they caught sight of Nana, though, the two were happy to chase her up and down the halls of Tony and Lilah’s home until their mother parked them in front of a Disney movie with the dog between them. 

“You could fix yourself something different, you know,” she suggested to the woman who was practically purring with delight over her fried rice.  “By the sounds of it, you haven’t had anything decent to eat since Tony left.”

Lilah rolled her eyes toward the ceiling and swallowed, wiping her mouth with a napkin.  “I’m makin’ food sex noises, aren’t I?  Sorry.  I try and be real conscious about that, but sometimes it just gets away from me.  Tony sometimes says he wishes I made the same sounds for him as I do cheesecake.”

Charlie had trouble believing that Lilah didn’t make whatever noises her husband wanted to hear.  She was obviously besotted with him, and it looked like she’d fixed her hair and put makeup on tonight.  The attention to personal detail was hit or miss for the mother of two toddlers, and it made Charlie think she wasn’t the only one making an extra effort for the Bon Jovi homecoming. 

“I’ll refrain from discussing sex noises, if you don’t mind.”

“Girl…”  The sweet Kentuckian pointed her fork at Charlie.  “I have heard too much speculation over the years about Jon’s sexual prowess.  If it’s true, I don’t wanna know, so that’s fine with me.”

“Is what you’ve heard positive or negative?” 

“What I’ve heard can’t be anything but urban legend,” she snorted, stabbing at a piece of beef.  “Nobody can complete the feats some of these women have credited him with.  He’d have to be a super-human god, and I prefer my very grounded Jersey boy husband.”

Grounded. 

Charlie manipulated her chopsticks to capture a piece of water chestnut and pop it in her mouth, thinking about Tuesday’s phone call and Jon’s reference to that very thing.  It had been hovering in the back of her mind ever since, along with a little bit of curiosity.

“Can I ask you a question that isn’t any more of my business than your sex life is?”

Chewing with thoughtfully narrowed eyes, shoulder length hair the color of milk chocolate slid forward into her hostess’s face with her nod.  “Sure.  As long as I get to ask one in return.”

It was impossible to predict what the eccentric Lilah would ask, but she had come to mean a lot to Charlie.  Without her, love might still be just another four-letter word and 9/11 would continue to be a mentally crippling day.  Charlie was finding a life that she was excited to move forward with, so that entitled her friend to ask whatever she wanted. 

“Deal.”  Charlie raked her chopsticks through the remaining rice on her plate to avoid the astute gaze was waiting for her to look up.  “I’m curious about the dynamic of Jon and Dorothea’s relationship.”

“Not sure what you mean.”

She shrugged.  “People usually assume roles within a relationship.  Dominant, passive, caretaker, needy.  That sort of thing.”

“Mm.”  After a swallow of iced tea, Lilah put her glass down and said thoughtfully, “Well.  From the few years I knew them as a couple, Dot was the responsible one.  She took care of home and kids and… everything really.  All Jon had to do was show up when she told him to.  Other than that, he worked in one way or another.  Recording, studio, touring.”

“So she was his anchor.”  The role which he’d told Charlie he wanted her to fill.  Or needed “somebody in his life” to fill.

“I don’t know that I’d use that particular word.  I’d say she was more of a lighthouse, doing her own thing and shining a light so he could find his way home again when it was time.  Anchors are attached to what they’re holding secure.  They connect ships to the ground wherever they go.”  She laughed and forked some chicken.  “Or something like that.”

It was an interesting differentiation, to which Charlie shouldn’t be attaching undue meaning to.  Jon’s definition was the one at play, and she had no idea if he’d made that distinction or not.  Lighthouse, anchor, or barnacle may all mean the same thing in his male vocabulary. 

“Not that she didn’t rein him in when he needed it,” Lilah added after a moment.  “I heard her tactfully tell him he was an idiot more than once.  I get the impression he can get so focused on whatever he’s lookin’ at that sometimes he forgets to look beyond it at the bigger picture.”

When Charlie realized she was mentally measuring herself against Dorothea, regret set in.  She should never have asked the question.  Dorothea was an awesome person whom Charlie respected and admired, but there was no comparison between them.  Dorothea was the calm and Charlie was the storm.  They had two completely different personalities that would have them relating to a man in completely different ways.   

“Okay, thanks,” she accepted Lilah’s answer at face value and dismissed it.  “In my line of work, I don’t see the husband and wife dynamic until it’s something ugly and irreparable.  My experience with successful relationships is limited to my parents and two of my brothers.  Italians just yell until things get better or they get tired of yelling, so I was wondering if the same held true here.”

“Not a lot of yellin’ on Dot’s part that I ever saw.  Always in control, but she could be cold and cuttin’.”

Completely done with this topic and vowing never to bring it up again, especially to Jon, she waved her chopsticks at Lilah.  “What’s your question?”

“Well…”  With one forearm already on the table, she put her fork down and folded the other on top of it.  “If this opportunity hadn’t come up, I wouldn’t ask at all.  I’ve managed to keep my mouth shut for almost a month because I had Tony ask Jon if he knew and he does, so that’s really all that mattered.”

“That’s a hell of a lot of information, but I don’t hear a question in there,” Charlie chuckled and pushed her plate away. 

“I have a compulsive need to justify myself with a lot of explanation before I pull the trigger on somethin’ that might make somebody mad.  Annoyin' as all get-out, but I can’t seem to stop myself.”

Doubting that Lilah had a question with the power to make her angry, Charlie smiled at the other woman’s self-deprecating uncertainty.  It wasn’t something she was used to seeing out of Jon’s spunky sister-in-law, and provided the first glimpse of the woman Lilah had claimed to be before Tony. 

“Ask already.”

“Alright.  Who’s Owen?”

Charlie couldn’t say she was surprised by anything other than the fact the question hadn’t come within seconds after that phone call at the spa.  At the time, she might’ve played it off with a vague statement that said something yet nothing, but there had been a shift in her universe since then. 

Having made significant inroads into her grief over Joey’s death that culminated in the previous Sunday’s revelation to her family, her therapy had progressed.  This week’s sessions revolved around the talk she needed to have with her sons.  While the therapist didn’t really know anything about Owen, she’d helped Charlie to consider different ways to present the news and provided other possible reactions the boys might have besides the one Charlie was dreading.  They’d also discussed how she might want to respond to those reactions and, while she wasn’t ready to do it today, Charlie knew it wouldn’t be much longer before she was mentally prepared to take on the task and steal Owen’s power over her.

Divorce was working its way from dream to reality.  It was time to stop lying to Jon’s family – and Charlie’s friend – by omission.

The truth will set you free.

“He’s my husband.”

Blue-green eyes went wide at the three simple words before returning to normal as Lilah nodded.  “That explains the problems, I reckon.”

“I reckon it does,” Charlie agreed with a smile.  “One of these days you’ll get around to telling me about your scars and, when you do…  Maybe I’ll be ready to tell you all about those problems.”

Producing a smile that was no less stunning for its sympathetic tilt, Lilah nodded and declared firmly, “I’d like that very much.”

Charlie thought she might, too.